I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
