So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
