i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
