I cannot find my penis.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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