You can't motorboat a personality
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
