Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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