trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
it's like heaven, but drunker
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
