My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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