the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
