Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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