She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
