she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
