roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
