if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize