its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
