why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
