Just fell off a train. Bad.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
