hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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