Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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