And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
