Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
