Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
