Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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