In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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