You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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