Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
