dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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