I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
