we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
