I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
