We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
