The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
