Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Come share oat with me in your robe
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
