Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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