He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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