after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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