Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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