I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
