doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
