did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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