I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
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