Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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