Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
