I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
