i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
