ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
