i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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