The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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