Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
