It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i now understand why vodka
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
