For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I didn't notice because vodka
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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