i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
