i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
