You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize