Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
