well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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