If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
