So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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