Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
