You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
ttyl tear gas
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
