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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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