Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
