If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize